Confessions of a Private School Kid

My school: a top private all-girls college preparatory school, offering a wide range of options as far as a well-rounded education goes. It is teeming with wonderful role models in the forms of loving staff and upperclassmen. The school reinforces positive behaviors through the twelve plus years of curriculum offered, to the extent that items can be left freely on campus without concern of their disappearance. While this school is much further along than many other schools in terms of open-mindedness, there remain instilled divisions between people of different backgrounds, and there must be more opportunities at integrating important discussions into school life at important times of development to hinder ignorance and misinformation, primarily regarding religion, sexuality, and other miscellaneous concepts.

Although I couldn’t get my hands on any official statistics on religious demographics from faculty, it is accurate to affirm that a clear majority of people attending are Christian. From my own experience, in lower school, there was little, if any, information educating youth in the school on religions other than Christianity. In fact, perhaps due to the combination of my own ignorance and no inclination to learn, I had no knowledge of certain religions and countries until my history class in 8th grade. This fact brings me embarrassment as a student attending a school which claims as much merit as mine. Though connection to heritage and family is often a part of religion and knowing what is near, I believe that offering more opportunities to youth to understand and respect separate religions and cultures is the only way forward. I was late to, and in many respects still am behind, in discovering this.

However, a very necessary acknowledgement to make is that responsibility to educate children on the world is not solely the institution’s responsibility. Some parents and families hold mindsets which abhor unfamiliar concepts, stifling understanding. A very example of this sort of circumstance is as follows: A Muslim classmate of mine, now a sophomore, tacked a Quran quote onto a middle school chapel board, aiming to diversify the service. Do note that the board hosted various Bible quotes and vague religious axioms, and faculty happily urged us to add quotes. Several days later, my classmate came to find that an angry mother had posted a Facebook status stating that this expression of Islamic faith at our school was “OUTRAGEOUS!” After asking the student in question about this, she told me that she felt isolated. Alone. Even crazier, the head of middle-school was nearly fired for the backlash the school met.

Ironically, my school claims to be secular. The school very deliberately prides itself on being founded on Christian values. Undoubtedly, many Western morals do, in some degree, stem from Christian schools of thought. As an agnostic, I cannot deny that I am amazed by the progress religions as a whole have brought to our world. However, the execution of secularism fails, in my interpretation, when compulsory Chapel services mainly focused on Christianity are required. Plus, as mentioned earlier, one of the few intermittent allusions to a separate, non-Christian Abrahamic religion was met with backlash. Additionally, there are fewer, if any, references made to adherents of non-Abrahamic religions or the student body which does not lean toward religion. I feel that an alienation of certain students stems from this.

There are undeniably individuals at my school who have sexualities outside of the heterosexual norm. (Come on, it’s an all-girls school. What were you expecting?) Prior to about twelve or thirteen, I had never heard of, let alone explicitly seen relationships between those of the same sex. The internet, a friend who confided in me, and my own burgeoning, puberty-induced, definitely not-straight crushes brought non-heterosexual attraction to my eyes. Although my school is, for the most-part, tolerant of homosexuality, many individuals are afraid to speak out about their sexuality in fears of being mocked. I should add that I have publicly heard a few students ridicule the concept of same sex relationships, contemptuously, aloud on campus. This, understandably, makes us non-straight students feel very uncomfortable. The great issue with addressing problems like this is that homophobia is a socially developed behavior. It would be irrational to expect an institution to change ideas rooted in someone’s upbringing, especially in the beloved Bible Belt, which is notorious for being less tolerant of homosexuality. However, representation in forms such as GSAs, which other schools in my area have, or at least one single direct reference to homosexuality during sex education could prove reassuring for students. During a week dedicated to parent-teacher conferences in middle school, there was a panel on sex education with no reference whatsoever towards same sex relationships. A friend of mine, who preferred to remain anonymous, stated her thoughts on her experiences:

“I knew I wasn’t straight when I was 12 or 13, and having no mention of sexualities other than heterosexuality made me feel like I didn’t exist. By assuming that everyone was straight, they left out incredibly important information that LGBTQ+ students needed. It simply isn’t fair that only cisgender, heterosexual people get information in sex education. We are people too.”

Although I’ve heard snippets about homosexuality in history classes (groups persecuted during WWII) and in the freshman commons in early 2018 (debate students confused about how to use non-religious evidence to logically argue against homosexuality), I have seen few official acknowledgements of sexuality. I do not believe by any means that my school is inherently homophobic; rather, I feel students who are not straight feel like perhaps they will be treated badly by some of their peers if they share that aspect of themselves. The official radio silence from the school feeds into that unofficial, untrue pravda that we aren’t entirely welcome.

However, the greatest obstacle to progress is this specific area is the fact that my school is donated to by many conservative families in the area. (Disclaimer: conservatism and Republicanism often align, but they aren’t the same thing. I know that. Being a Republican and supporting queer rights isn’t mutually exclusive; I am simply speaking from observations.) These adults could rescind support to the school, as ridiculous as it seems to me, just for outward support of an idea that they fear and do not understand. Another unfortunate truth is that some parents disown and punish their own children for being homosexual. I can only hope that my generation brings a paradigm shift which makes respect of others’ sexual preferences mainstream.

This is by no means something pervasive in this school, but every now and then, there are tiny, quiet infractions on campus that happen. The minute racially and culturally insensitive comments, the ableist comments. One example that comes to mind is that, during a class field trip in seventh or eighth grade, an African American classmate was called ‘ghetto’ on a bus for wearing a pick in her hair. In a separate instance, a black friend of mine was approached freshman year and asked if she was on a scholarship with no preface whatsoever. Profiled on account of her race. She recounted the experience to me:

“Last year, someone approached me and asked me if I was on scholarship and when I said no, she was so dumbfounded.”

According to statistics gathered from faculty, a rough percentage of the body of ethnic diversity here at my school is around 21% (no, I was not given specific races), which I’d consider progressive (in terms of most private schools.) Despite this makeup, racial minorities at school have experienced irritating experiences here and there. I’ve heard students recite idiotic stereotypes. For instance, upon the return of some students from a trip to China, someone asked one of my friends who’d gone on the trip if they’d eaten dogs in China. She was startled to hear that they had not. (Seriously, guys? Not all of China is Yulin.)

Some students have done things that have alienated disabled people at my school. Out of respect of individual privacy, I won’t go into specifics into an instance based on a physical disability. However, in a certain class, the topic of mental disabilities came up. One student, upon being told by another student that the term ‘handicapped’ is now outdated, argued that, because she had always used that word, there was no logical defense for why she should not now. My personal belief in this area is that people should respect the comfort of the people around them. Words are multifaceted and subjective. With terminology and humor both, I think the distinction between tasteful words and respectful words is usually glaringly evident. Consider the weight your words have, and how comfortable those around you are with said words.

​Ultimately, insensitive and ignorant behaviors are socially ingrained. That is not the fault of the institution. However, I think that awareness of topics like these starting (relatively) young is positive reinforcement. Having useful dialogue helps people evolve. As with any institution, my school has both ups and downs. I very much consider this school to be in the top tier of progressive and secure schools in Tennessee. Good aspects do not nullify the bad.

Unfortunately, it’s difficult to advocate for how exactly these changes should happen. One reason for this is, firstly, because these are my subjective takes. I am one of over nine hundred kids enrolled at my school. Secondly, many of these issues, as I perceive them, hugely rely on a student’s upbringing. My hope is that my school could have an influential role in cultivating a petri dish of students with a strain of more open-minded girls. I understand that my school (and others like it) might cower away from outright speaking up about most topics mentioned above, as to not offend certain parents. Even then, I hold my position in urging higher-ups to consider integrating more conversations about different religions, sexualities, and cultural backgrounds to prevent students from growing up lacking proper respect and understanding fundamental to understanding other people.